Saying goodbye to my adolescence

Today I am 20 years old, the big 2-0 I’m no longer a teenager. I had a post that I needed to finish where I wrote my teenage self a letter but it just felt cheesy so I thought I’d just type and write down my thoughts and feelings on adulthood and saying goodbye to my adolescence.

Birthdays stopped being exciting 3 years ago when I turned 17 years old- maybe it’s the cynic in me but it just feel like every other day and I get to thinking, isn’t it weird how you’re basically celebrating the fact that you didn’t die the year before? I can’t be the only one that thinks that, but even though today was pretty boring I do feel excited to approach my twenties.

19 was a mediocre year for me career wise but I’m no longer in education and I’m out on my own which is… a thing when I was in education everyone would ask me what I wanted to do and when I was getting a job and now I’m constantly being asked if I’m going back to education and why I’m not already studying. The whole school, test thing gives me anxiety I hate it I self sabotage myself every time and would rather be doing anything else but I don’t say that I just play dumb and say I don’t know, I love adulthood.

Whoever said that your teenage years is the best years of your life is a liar, I guess I understand where they’re coming from no responsibilities, no financial stress or wondering if you’ll ever amount to anything because you fucked up things for yourself in the past, BUT being an adult is cool you can do whatever you want when you want you’re able to have fun and be reckless I’m in my prime I’m fucking twenty years old this is the time to find yourself and know what you want out of life. In about 2 days I’ll probably forget everything I just said and wish I was a 19 again because being 19 was kind of great you’re legally an adult but not really so I just sort of sailed by which probably made my life mediocre,(apart from a few exceptions) but I’m excited to see what I get up to in my twenties and I’m also terrified, thinking about life makes me want to die because it’s scary and it’s a lot of pressure trying to live up to expectations and seeing your friends thrive while you twiddle your thumbs in the corner instead of being by their side at their  exact same level sucks but hey adulthood.

The most childish thing is to believe that you are an adult now…
― Himanshu Bisht

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